The Day After The FSP

The Day After The FSP

I wonder if it hurts when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. I wonder if it knows it’s not the end, it’s just the beginning. If it cries thinking its body has betrayed it.

Last night was hard for me. Everything bad that’s happened in the last days is back. I kept asking myself some things. Doubt was there. Despair was there. Quitting was there…

I didn’t want to wake up. I just stayed in bed and cried. One of my VIPs wrote to me. I replied slowly. I have no stamina… I would rather do…nothing. I wondered if medicine was really for me. I love cooking. I found some training programmes for bakers. At Rewe’s. That would be nice. 350 euro at the beginning, then 700…that would be something for me. Baker at Rewe’s. Sounds good.

8.14 am – an E-mail arrives. Should be Yummly or Tastemade. THE E-mail is supposed to come between 9-11 am. I read it but I didn’t understand a single word. My German was gone.


“Sehr geehrte LittleDoc,

It’s our pleasure to inform you that our Commission had come to the conclusion that you have fulfilled during the examination on 20.02.2018 the requirements needed for practising medicine here.  We will inform the Authority of Health and Consumer Protection about the result.

In case you need a certificate, please contact the Authority of Health and Consumer Protection.

We wish you all the best!

Mit freundlichen Grüßen”


That’s got to be some kind of mistake. Or I don’t get it. I wrote a message to Dr H. “G what does this mean? I don’t understand a single word. Please be online…” “YOU PASSED. CONGRATS!!!” I was perplexed. No. this cannot be. It’s too early to call Herr Karbownik. I forwarded him the e-mail.

My body is shaking. What’s going on? I took a deep breath. Once more.  Easy does it.

My cocoon burst.

I have wings. I cannot see them, but I can feel them. Catch me if you can now.

I called my VIPs. “I am as of now a butterfly.”

Herr Karbownik responded. “Frau Dr C you had me at a doubt last night. Congratulations.” Herr Karbownik doesn’t know how relieved I am. I didn’t let certa down. Praise the Lord.

Now wandering through this beautiful city…

Hafen, Elbphilarmonie… everything at a quick pace. Like the butterfly that I am…

And then to the airport. Cologne.

From the airplane…
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