The day has come. 5 o’clock. God, I don’t think I’m gonna make it. One of my VIPs said I really need to eat something in the morning. But I cannot. My bus leaves at 6.03 o’clock. Nausea and anxiety. No, I’m actually scared. Really scared.

You know, I’ve already been through a clerkship in Germany. Quite a catastrophe, I may add. The doctors would not speak to me, I was just another object to them. I didn’t get to see much, but yeah… I guess it was a good experience for me as a human being, but not as a doctor. They had no clue, what I was doing there, the constantly forgot that I was a foreigner… and when I didn’t immediately do whatever they wanted me to do… well they simply concluded I had some form of handicap. The other one, in Innsbruck, was ok, I got to see a lot of things, but I was too young and I I hadn’t studied anything clinical at that time. So… Was this going to be another Munich experience? Am I just going to be are object and that’s it? Are they going to ignore me? Am I simply too stupid for Germany?

6.03 o’clock. Lindengarten bus station. Ok, you can do this. I just hope I’m not going to cry or throw up.

6.30 a.m. I’m sitting in front of the secretariat. Nobody’s here. Just me and my thoughts. How will the Secretary be? Is she nice? Cause in her email she wrote “It would be nice if she could bring a hospital coat, too.” so I guess that’s pretty laid-back. Aghhh… I do hope she’s nice and patient. And that she speaks loudly.

Two ladies are approaching me. Ok… One is looking at me. She seems really modern, so to speak. And chic. Please be Mrs CHH. Please!

“Good morning…?” said the chic lady. “Uhm… (breathe C, breathe… It’s all good, nobody’s here to kill you)… Good morning. I am the new Hospitantin… I think Mr Karbownik… from Certa… spoke to you about me?” “Oh yes, come in please.” I went in. Pay attention. Pay attention. Pay attention. The office is really nice… hmm… She is smiling at me. She seems friendly. I signed the contract and then I waited outside. The Chefärztin (BL) should arrive soon. Ooook. One lady approached me… Nope, not her. Then another one… Still not her. Then… A blonde lady came. Slowly and elegantly. She looked at me and said: “I believe you belong to us.” she stretched her hand to meet mine. But my hand got tangled in my backpack. Arghhhh… Her hand is still there, waiting… C***… Ok, I’ve got this. Act normal. So. We shook hands. Ok. That was pretty normal. She asked if I had already talked to Mrs CHH, so I showed her the contract. Nope, I didn’t show it to her, I actually waved it as if it were a white flag of some sort. Arghhh I’m so awkward. She smiled at me and said I had to wait some more. Ok, no worries, I can wait. After a couple of minutes she came back and told me to come with her. We went to the clinic. Holy crap. My heart is racing.

The morning meeting. All doctors were there. Uhm… Where should I sit? The CÄ already knew my problem. “Have a seat wherever you like please, some colleagues are missing today.” She’s so nice to me. She then introduced me to everyone: “this is our new Hospitantin, Frau Dr… uhm?” I just made up a shorter version of my name – but I guess that one was pretty hard, too. I find it strange, how polite people here are. To me, I mean. I am… well… me. Why are you people so nice and thoughtful?

The other doctors… Well… We have OÄ HF, she’s so calm. She’s got dimples and she always smiles at me. Awwww… may I hug you? Then OA HA, who leads the Breast department. Then… FÄ KB… hmm she’s really quiet, but I don’t find her mean. AÄ… LSF from Spanien… she speaks really good German. And fast. I actually thought she was born here. And the rest… I’ll get to meet tomorrow I guess.

After the morning meeting, I went with OA HA to the Sprechstunde. OA HA wanted some coffee and he asked if I wanted a little too. Hmmm… act normal and friendly, C. “Yes, please.” The nurse brought two coffees. She later asked: “So do you have your coffee with milk or?” I said: “With.” She immediately replied: “Ok… I had no idea uhm…” Ok ok ok ok… no, don’t worry about it. She’s already turning red. OA HA said: “You’ll just have your coffee without milk today.” “OF COURSE I WILL”. I just wanted to have a normal honest small talk… no expectations. God. Awkwardness.

The CÄ BL came and she took me with her. She’s really nice. I think I’m her duckling. Just like the one in Tom&Jerry, I follow her everywhere she goes. I just hope it doesn’t bother her – having a duckling.

So we went to the OR. Everything is so cleeeeaaan and organized around here. I stayed there until 14 o’clock… when all of a sudden… Nausea, vertigo and tinnitus happened. Wooow. This is new. “Frau CÄ, I think I’m… uhhhhm…” “God, out out… you’re white as chalk!!” Great start, C. Yay. Way to go. The anesthesiologist came… he placed me on a chair somewhere… oook… legs go up… But I actually wanted to go out-out. CÄ said… “No, not here, better outside.” So someone took me outside. A nurse, I think. She spoke to me, but I couldn’t understand what she was saying. Ughhh I’m so stupid. I hadn’t eaten anything, I hadn’t drunk any water… instead of water Id did have a large coffee… Stupid girl. I went back after approx. 10 minutes. “Hmmm… I’m really sorry about that.” CÄ: “That’s ok. You haven’t eaten anything, I guess.” “Nope, I was too nervous.”

Ughhh what a day! I stayed at the Hospital until 16 o’clock. And then I went straight home. I need to eat something. And sleep. At 21 o’clock I was already in bed.